I always see posts on social media that say: Stop reaching out to people first and you’ll see who really cares about you. And while I believe that communication should be a two-way street, if it isn’t, it’s also not the end of the world. Most people who suffer, suffer in silence and that friend who always thinks about reaching out but never does, may be suffering and not want anyone to know or be looking for the right moment to tell you. Check in on your friends, not for a favor or to ask them to do something with you. Check in on them to simply see how they are feeling, how life is treating them. Most just want someone to listen and hear them out without being judged. Life can be hard, and with the recent passing of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, we are reminded that no matter how famous you are or how much money you have, you can still suffer from mental illness. It is never too late to or too early to reach out to the friend you have been meaning to call or text, just go for it without expecting something in return.
Recently, I watched a Ted Talk with Luvvi Ajayi called “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” It was not my intention to watch this Ted Talk, nor did I personally search for videos on this topic, but the title seemed interesting so I said, why not. After watching the Ted Talk, and listening to everything Luvvi Ajayi said, I could not believe how truthful her words were. What really spoke to me in the Ted Talk, was when Luvvie mentioned how she did not start living her “best life” until she started doing things that she feared. At that moment, I thought about everything that I am or was afraid of doing. I specifically thought about the moments when I had to do things that scared me and how much better I always felt doing those things. For example: Most people’s greatest fear is public speaking, but after you speak out in front of a group of people, you always feel better. Why is that? I thought. Then I remembered. It is because you are relieved. You were able to conquer the thing that you probably over-think, over-analyze, and the one thing that makes you super uncomfortable. Then I thought. What if I started to tackle everything that makes me uncomfortable? So, I made a list of the things that make me the most uncomfortable. This consisted of things like eye contact, eating alone, and traveling alone. Then I thought to myself, what if I did everything on this list and check it off one by one once it is completed. If I started to do what makes me uncomfortable, would it not be a discomfort anymore? That is what I will have to find out. I encourage you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Document it, reflect on it, and see if it has impacted your life in a positive way.
Nobody can get in the way of your dreams and success like you can. We blame other people for what we could not achieve. We blame the circumstances and the hardships in between. Then when we could not overcome the hard battles, we develop envy and anger. We take that anger out on other people instead of looking deep inside ourselves. Everyone else but me must be the problem. We never hold ourselves accountable for things we should have known or things we should have gotten done. Instead, we look to place blame. Thus, when we see someone achieving and reaching the success we hoped to obtain, we compare ourselves. We ask questions like, why do they get all the luck, why couldn’t that be me? I’ll tell you why; because you were too busy looking around you instead of in the mirror. Your only competition is yourself. Therefore, the only person you should be trying to do or be better than is the person you were yesterday. There is always going to be someone doing what you strive to do, but you cannot look at their life and chase it. You have to chase your own goals. Compare yourself to only you and the rest shall be written thereafter.
Those numbers you keep seeing, that cat you passed on your way home from work, the path you walk through everyday. All of these things have a purpose. The universe aligns things a certain way and throws us signs to see if we will eventually catch on. Things don’t happen by accident. If you prayed hard for something, these signs you keep encountering are moving you closer to your prayer. That negativity that you keep spewing, the bad things that keep on happening, the universe is trying to tell you something. Things don’t happen by accident because our way of thinking and our actions dictate how our days, weeks and even year are going to go. Some things may seem to never go right and Some things may seem too good to be true, but that is just the way they are meant to be.
Lack of motivation can be the most frustrating thing in the world. You want to be productive yet your body is telling you to stay put. Your mind has ideas and plans it wants to accomplish, but the will to get it done just isn’t there. I too, struggle with this and I call it the Lazy Effect. I often wonder if it’s because I am lazy or my body is telling me to rest. I have days where I know I should be more productive than I am but also don’t make the effort to change anything about that. A big part of that comes from the trust I have within myself. Knowing that I can relax for a day or two without being productive and things will be fine lessens the stress I feel. However, it doesn’t stop the guilt. Being lazy is fun at times, yet you end up feeling terrible about yourself in the end. I wonder if we should try to do one productive thing a day or if it’s simply ok to just sit back and do nothing. Sure society makes us feel bad, but if being “lazy” is what’s best for the betterment of our mental stability, maybe we shouldn’t feel stressed after all.
We all go through life thinking their are not enough hours in the day. I feel that all too often during a time when I have the most time I may ever have again. Prioritizing what needs to be in your day can help in fixing the “not enough time” problem. I was once told that when you feel there isn’t enough time, you make time; You especially make time for things that are important. Whenever you feel like there may not be enough hours in your day, set a schedule. I often find that setting a schedule helps me stay balanced and completing what needs to be done. Waking up early and going to bed early are also things that help me stay most productive. The saying “the early bird catches the worm” works for those willing to catch the worm. So, what are you willing to do to allow more flexibility in your life? That, remains up to you.
Why is it that we always expect our lives to be perfect wihtout acknowledging are hardships? Those we idolize didn’t always have it easy, yet most times we think if we copy our idols, somehow we think we can get to the top faster than they did. The idea that there is beauty in the success, can be false. Yes, it is great to bask in your hard work and have people admire your accomplishments but I believe it is always better to appreciate the struggle before the success. Whether you believe it or not, every struggle has helped you to be a better person or to get where you are today. Struggle can make you stronger, work harder, and grow as a human being. Although, we never think so in the moment, there is beauty in the struggle.